Fails and Wins #1

What's up fellow Asians,

FAIL

Today, I would like to show you a failure, yes, a failure of an ASIAN, yes an Asian, on America's Got Talent, 2010. This was a funny audition, but I really felt bad for him because he got the Triple X's by the judges. I know this was old, I just thought I might share it with you to show that sometimes, Asians are not perfect.

WIN

And now, the WIN! This win is an Asian Improv group playing pranks on businessmen in an alleyway. It shows the lone businessman walking across the alley, when suddenly, the large, funny Asian group runs toward the businessman and pretends to chase him. This group of Asians are a WIN in my book because they know how to prank people in the right way.

Love,

ASIAN OCCASION
Luke and Lawson

Posted by Luke

S.W.A.P

S.W.A.P, Something, We, Asians, Perfected! This video just shows this insane guy throwing business card at crazy targets. He is fr*cken amazing. If you can throw cards better than this guy, make a video, comment the link on this video, and if it is better than this guy, I'll give you fifty bucks.

I don't think he could do this if he wasn't Asian.

Love,
Asian Occasion

Confuse your Photoreception

Hello guys,

Do you know a way to confuse your brain? Play tricks on it? Ever see an optical illusion before? Well, here's a weird, but cool way to confuse your photoreception.

Stare at the picture faintly for 20 seconds. Then, blink a few times and who do you see? I know, this is freakishly cool, I will describe it to you if you want to know how it works.

HOW IT WORKS:

"When an image is looked at for a length of time (usually around 30 seconds) and then replaced with a white field, one type pf an effect called an afterimage can be seen. The common explanation given for an afterimage is that the photoreceptors (rods and cones) in the eye become “fatigued”, and do not work as well as the those photoreceptors that were not affected (the “fatigue” is actually caused by the temporary bleaching of the light sensitive pigments contained within the photoreceptors) This results in the information that is provided by the photoreceptors not being in balance, causing the afterimages to appear. As the photoreceptors become less “fatigued”, which takes between ten and thirty seconds, the balance is recovered, resulting in the afterimage disappearing"

Fung Brothers

They are cool. They are like Luke and I...but bigger.

Love,
Asian Occasion

Hunger Games

Ok, who has read and watch the Hunger Games. Wow, that many people?!?! Both Luke and I haven't seen the movie yet but we have read the book. That only means one thing, we are broke. Those of you who have watch the movie and seen the book must be like, MILLIONAIRES. We can't afford to pay like  10 bucks just to look at some screen. That is not asian. That is like paying 10 bucks to lose 1% or your eyesight.
Anyways, I have heard from some people that the movie SUCKED and it was a waste or time. I have also heard from people that loved the movie but it was no match for the book. And I have heard that the movie is WAYYY better than the book. Obviously, those people haven't read the book or read the book to the best of their ability(understanding it). Even though I haven't seen the movie yet, I think it's safe to say the movie is good but not as good as the book. It is really hard to make a movie better than such an AMAZING book. When you read, you go beyond. For example, you might think of the capital of having gold walls everywhere and floating trains but when you watch the movie, you're like, "Where are the floating trains and the high-tech stuff from the future?"


Last things last, for girls: Team Peeta or Team Gale?   For guys: Team Katniss or Team Rue?


Love,
Asian Occasion Sum Bo Dees

 

Life Hacks #1

Salutations friends,

Sometimes, we are always trying to find a shortcut to everyday life around the house, at work, school, ANYWHERE. Well, to help you, we are going to start ANOTHER new series called "Life Hacks and Facts." We will find interesting life "hacks" post them on here

Life Hacks

1. In a hurry in the morning? Brush your teeth in the shower.

2. If you are lending someone a pen, keep the cap. No one accidentally keeps a pen without the cap.

3. Pump up the volume on your iPod and put it in a bowl. The concave shape amplifies the music.

4. Whenever you do a presentation, bring a bottle of water to the stage. Whenever you can't think of anything to say, drink some water and nobody will notice anything.

5. If you are talking to someone and if you want to know if they are interested in what you are talking about, cross your arms. If they fold/cross their arms, they are interested.

6. If you're at a fast food restaurant with FREE REFILLS, keep the cup after you have used it and leave it in your car. Unlimited refills for life.

LOVE,

ASIAN OCCASION 

(Lawson and Luke)

P.S. Please tell all your friends about us, we really need the support. THANKS!

Toyota Corolla

Hi, today's post is going to be a bit different. This is going to be about an asian car rather than asian people. I found this awesome car review. It's so boss-like. I hope you all like it.

The ningers of asian occasion, 

Lawson and Luke

Asian occasion

Charging an iPod with an Onion

Hurrow fellow companions,

So, have you read the title? So have you read the title? So have you read the title?

Yes, the title is so weird it needs to be read 3 times. I may be over-exaggerating, but seriously, charging an iPod with an onion? Yup, I'm so cheap that I don't buy an iPod charger and I use an onion to charge it. JK JK, I'm not that ASIAN.

This onion trick is only for fun, and if you're very bored with nothing to do. (You can always do math, I'm just saying..) Anyways, just follow the instructions in the video to do this easy, fun way to use a charger.

YOU WILL NEED-
a small towel
an onion (you can find this easily if you have an Asian grandmother who likes to cook)
an iPod (or any other MP3 player)
an iPod charger, or the charger you use for another MP3 player
about 2-3 bottles of Gatorade or Powerade
a big ol' bucket
a screwdiver

To sum it up, the onion absorbs the electrolytes (what makes you stronger, faster, better.. you get it right?) in the Gatorade/Powerade and uses them to power the iPod. It's really simple... and short too... the whole process takes about 15-20 minutes.

Everything I missed to tell you, watch this video here by Household Hackers on YouTube. (They are awesome, check them out if you love geeky science stuff)

From the Asians of Asian Occasion aka Luke and Lawson,

TO YOU.

ASIAN OCCASION (POSTED BY LUKE)

Asian Parents-colleges

Helro! Today, we will be talking about how Asian parents always want their kids to go to the top colleges in the Nation, like Harvard. If you're parents are even more Asian, they'd want to to go to the top colleges in the World, like Harvard. Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, maybe they aren't that strict but they would want you to go to a good school for college. For example, my parents have brainwashed me to go to Harvard. They threaten me to go there. They say, "I'll buy you a Porsche if you make it to Harvard" whereas, "I'll buy you a bus pass you if go to Brown University, we are not BROWN, we are yellow! I'd rather you go to some farmer in the Yellow River and learn FARMING!" I think it is good that Asian parents support us and make us smart but, ummm, ummmmm, Ok, I guess I can't argue with that. I don't know how, but Asian parents have this magic power that makes us think whatever they do for us is good. That's all for now, thanks for reading.

         












Love,
Asian Occasion

Stereotype #1: Asian Drivers, No Survivors

Hilo fellow friends,

Sorry I didn't post anything yesterday, I have been really busy with homework. You know, since I'm Asian and all that. Jokes aside, I want to discuss with you about serious Asian stereotypes. The title is self-explanatory. Asian drivers, no survivors. A friend of mine told me this rhyme and I thought I should share it with you. Ok, this may be true, but come on, give us a chance. They  say the worst drivers are old ladies, women, and of course, Asians, so the worst driver combined would be an old Asian lady driving. 

This is old news, but you are going to be INSPIRED... and amazed. Well about 3 years ago, a 68-year old South-Korean passed a drivers test!!!! I know what you're thinking, that's awesome, and surprising. Well, she passed the driver's test alright.. on the 950th try. I gotta say, we are bad drivers, but once we fail at something, we get motivated and DETERMINED to complete a goal. So remember, whenever you fail in life, SUCK IT UP and TRY HARDER. 

 

CHA SA-SOON, MY INSPIRATION

Asian Occasion (Posted by Luke)

NINGER SCHOOL 101

Koonitchywhaaatddddephoooook,


Do you want to learn how to be a ninger? If you don't know what a ninger is, that's ok, I'm going to tell you in the next sentence. (predict what i'm going to say in the next sentence) A ninger is a ghetto ninja, nin=ninja, ger=n*ger. You have succeeded step one of how to be a ninger, knowing the future.


1. Know what will happen in the future.

2. Be silent but know how to mouth cuss words because you're a also niger.

3. Move as quietly and stealthy as posible but put at least three feet between your two feet and put most of
your body weight behind you, like a black man.

4. Never, I repeat, never, tell anyone you're a ninger. You need to know how to keep your identity. Who ever tells anyone they are a ninger, they will eventually be assassinated, says the Ningod.

5. Only fight, if your heart desires. "One's heart,will start a fart," said the Ningeneral, Lawson Wong.
Fart means, "a person's good deeds, fabulous+art=fart."

6. Always carry around a samurai sword but you will also need to carry around a pistol just incase.

7. Know how to use your body as the only weapon.

8. Meditate once a week for at least an hour. This will strengthen your ability to ask Ningod for help.

9. Watch more killing movies. The kind of movie you'd want to watch is "Kill Bill", "Assassin", "Ip Man", "Menace II Society", "Boyz 'N The Hood", etc.


If you follow these 9 simple steps, you will be a successful ninger. No one, I repeat, no one will mess with you ever again if you are a ninger.

Love,
Asian Occasion    

How To Tell if You're Asian

Hey you.. yeah you!

Do you want to tell if your Asian? At least on the inside? Well.. you have come to the right place. Answer these short questions to tell if you are one of us.

1. Do you eat rice everyday? Y/N

2. Do you have a relative (with the exception of your siblings or parents) living with you in your Asian-like dwelling? Y/N

3. Ever take a whole bunch of napkins or ketchup packs from fast-food restaurants to save for later? Y/N

4. Do you have black hair? Y/N

5. Do you have tan skin? Y/N

6. Do your parents get mad at you if  you get a B+ or below in ANY one of your school subjects? Y/N

7. Do you absolutely love math? Does it come natural to you? Y/N

8. Have you ever been in Asia? Y/N

9. Are you a perfectionist? Do you stress even the littlest things? E.X. Having a speck of dirt on your shirt. Y/N

10. Does ANY one of your relatives have an Asian accent? Y/N

11. Have you ever brought Asian food to school for lunch? Y/N

12. Like chess? Y/N

13. Can you speak or understand Asian languages? Y/N

14. Do you get excited when an Asian gets famous, or does something awesome? E.X. Jeremy Lin shoots a buzzer-beater. Y/N

15. Do you or your relatives watch Asian soap-operas? (Kinda for the girls..) Y/N

16. Do you know how to use chopsticks? Y/N

Thanks for reading and answering all of that. Now, to see if your Asian, look at the test scores below.

If you answered "Yes" to-

0 Questions: You definitely, not at all, even the slightest amount, Asian-like.
1-5 Questions: I would describe you as a Cauc... Asian. Cauc-Asian.
6-10 Questions: You're at least a little bit Asian..
11-14 Questions: WINNER! WINNER! Hey, there's an Asian buffet over there.. I'll RICE you to it!!!! Rice/Race? Get it? No? Ok I'll go back to doing my Calculus homework.
15+ Questions: Are you.. Bruce Lee? No.. you kind of look like Jackie Chan.. no wait.. Are you that one Korean Popstar.. Wait a minute.. Hold up.. You're just too Asian, NINJA!

Sincerely,

ASIAN OCCASION (Posted by Luke)

GINGERS

Do you like gingers? I DO. Do you think gingers are hot? OH YES! 

Gingers were first discovered in South Asian and Ireland but over the years, they have spread to East Africa and the Caribbean and also the United States. But now, I see gingers everywhere at my school. They migrate quickly. 

 

 

P.S. I was inspired to make this post by a friend. If you want me to make a post of something in particular, please comment below. 

Love, 

Asian Occasion

NERD E STUFF

De Helro,

Today, we will talk about the science. This is your first post of the NERD E STUFF series. In this post, you will learn about the atomic structure of an atom. So...an atom consist of a nucleus and energy levels. The nucleus is made up of protons and neutrons. Protons are the "tons" that are positively charges. The neutrons are the neutral "tons," they have no charge. Electrons are the negatively charged "tons." Electrons orbit the nucleus and one electron's mass is only 1/2000 the mass of a proton and neutron. Therefore, most of the mass of an atom is in the nucleus. Post a comment if I missed anything. Also, post if you like this series, NERD E STUFF, or not.

Love,
Asian Occasion  

Half-full or Half-empty?

Hello,

The title explains this post. Determine whether you are an optimist or a pessimist, using the glass of water. So tell me, is the glass half-full, or half empty?

Just in case you don't know what an optimist or pessimist is.. Here are their definitions-

op·ti·mist  (pt-mst) n. 
1. One who usually expects a favorable outcome.


pes·si·mism  (ps-mzm) n.

1. A tendency to stress the negative or unfavorable or to take the gloomiest possible view: "We have seen too much defeatism, too much pessimism, too much of a negative approach" (Margo Jones). 


Post whether you are an optimist or a pessimist in the poll in the left sidebar or in the comments below.

GET SOME!

This is what you get...


ASIAN OCCASION

SHE BANG!

Hi guys,

This is an old, but still amusing, American Idol video in which William Hung is auditioning. WHAT A BOSS!

Asians at its best.

ASIAN OCCASION

BANANA NANA OSSHUL

Watch this!

Love, 

Asian Occasion

BANANA NANA OSSHUL

Huskies LOST?

To Whom May Concern: 

Hi, 

Sum Bo Dees, 

As I promised in a post, I would post Huskie game scores because of March Madness. Unfortunately, Huskies lost to the FRICKEN (asian and not allowed to swear) Beavers by two points! It was a really close game though. Here is a link if you want to read more about the game: http://www.ncaa.com/game/basketball-men/d1/2012/03/08/oregon-st-washington#recap 

Your truly,

Asian Occasion

BULLSEYE V1

Dhe helro, 


This is the world's best throwing knife montage. If you haven't seen this and you love, absolutely LOVE MW3, this cannot be passed. If you have seen this, watch it again to prove that you're an Asian and have a small and delicate penis!!! This montage is totally beast and I hope you enjoy.  

I DO NOT OWN THIS VIDEO! DON'T SUE MEEEEEE!

Love, 


Asian Occasion 
W3 @®3 $0 I3@I) @$$

Simply Hysterical

This is a video of a championship game from the NLB, or the Adriatic League (Don't worry it's not the NBA). The white team took the last minute shot and got the result of an awesome buzzer beater with 0.6 seconds left on the clock? So what does the team in the black jersey do?

ASIAN OCCASION

KONY 2012

Hello guys,


Recently, I have discovered KONY 2012, a project that's goal is to arrest Joseph Kony, a man who abducts children and uses them to fight in his militia. KONY 2012 is planning progress throughout major social networking sites, like Facebook, Twitter, Google+, etc. Take time to watch the video and leave your opinion in the comments below. I support KONY 2012.

Asian Occasion

March Madness

Who's excited for March Madness!!! Come on, show your hand!!! Nobody? WTF!!! I'm LIKE SOOOOOOOOOOOO FRICKEN...don't care. We are Asians. If we were watching any basketball, we'd be watching JEREMY LIN!!! Jeremy Lin plays in the NBA, not NCAA. NCAA/March Madness is for black people who actually have relatives that play on the team. We Asians, don't have any family that plays in it so it's not as fun to watch. But if you're Asian and like to watch March Madness, WE, Asian Occasion will be posting the scores (of the Washington Huskies) up because the HUSKIES are I3@I)@$$. If you know what "I3@I)@$$" is, comment below to prove that you know and that you're a boss...I meant EMPLOYEE!!!

love...I meant EMPLOYEE,
Asian Occasion

My Asian Brother!

Best Teacher Ever

Truly awesome.

I Wish I Could Do This..

This guy has some courage.. a lot of it.